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FrICTION Energize your married life with bedroom games |
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Invite your wife for play We know what it's like to fall in love and have all your inhibitions fly out the window. You're prepared to make love anywhere, in any room or space, indoors or out. You're eager to please your partner and open to experimentation. Then you get married, and slowly but surely your sex becomes routine and uninteresting. What happens to the spark? Is sexual boredom inevitable? Of course not. Here's how a couple in their 50s keep it alive and real. Question: We welcome Ben, 51, and Lisa, 50, a happily married couple for the past 27 years. They have three grown up kids. They're both fitness fanatics, skiers and runners, with creative jobs that enable them to indulge their imaginations and sexual fantasies. Lisa and Ben, tell us about your sex games.
desire was there but the spark and excitement had gone. We both wanted to get the spark back. We sat down and worked out a plan. We wanted sex on the front burner, not as an afterthought or something you squeeze in between meetings and chores. Ben: We looked back to the days we fell in love, all the crazy but thrilling things we did together. We said, "Yes, that was us making love on the beach in broad daylight, that was us having frenzied sex in a movie theater restroom." If both of us willingly did that back then, what the heck was wrong with trying to do something similar again? We wanted thrills and excitement in our sex lives, a bit of risk-taking, a sense of danger. We knew and trusted each other so much better now than 25 years ago, we figured the sex could only be better. Question: You don't think that type of sex is just for youngsters? Lisa: Here's an interesting thing, people falling in love are more sexually active and inventive than couples who have been together a long time. Their age doesn't really matter. Our research into cheating tells us that people find affairs so thrilling because they're doing things they no longer do in their marriages. Of course, there's an added thrill for some in doing it with a new person, but more than that you're liberated by a different type of sex. Question: Yes, when people are falling in love, they put quality time and effort into arranging good sex. Sex is a priority. After some years of marriage, there's a misguided assumption that good sex is just going to happen, and very often it doesn't. Ben: Anything you do well requires preparation, whether it's a dinner party or a race. Same with sex. If a married woman wants to have sex in a way she's not getting at home, she'll tell her lover to do it and he'll oblige and it makes them both happy. A guy might want something simple like his lover to shave her pu-sy. She'll do it for him and he'll think it's great. But he won't ask his wife to do that. Some other things -- this is funny -- we found out that a guy thinks it's really sexy for his mistress not to wear panties when they're in a public placde, but he thinks it's disgusting and distasteful for his wife to do the same. Question: That reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where it's sexy for a woman to run her fingers through her hair, but when Jerry does it, it's mildly disgusting. Lisa: Exactly, something happens through the years, our upbringing and expectations come into play. We think lovers should behave one way -- exciting, reckless, risk-taking, naughty -- and married couples, especially older couples, should be different -- calm, predictable, sensible. But when a middle-aged person falls in love, all those rules are abandoned and the man and woman are adventurous again. Question: Give us some details here. What did you two to to liven up your sex life? Ben: Lisa and I had some open, no-holds-barred talks about what we wanted but weren't getting, what we liked but weren't doing, what we'd like to do but hadn't tried. In my case, I had always loved having sex outdoors. I wanted more of that. I love having sex with Lisa when she's dressed in her killer work outfits, the business suits with stockings and black high heels, I just love taking her when she's dressed like that. I'm one of those guys that loves smooth pu-sy, so I asked for that. I like to be touched a lot. I don't care if we're in a movie theater, a restaurant, or driving, I love Lisa to touch my package through my pants. I like to have her hand there. It doesn't have to be blatant and offensive to people. It can easily be done when no one can see. Question: What did you want, Lisa? Lisa: I'd never mentioned to Ben that I love dirty talk when we're making love. I love the idea of being the only woman for Ben, that my pu-sy has a special power over him, that it can make him do crazy things. I love to hear him say he wants to f-ck me, take me, have me, bang me, those things. I don't want him to be cautious when we're doing it, I want all his energy, I want him to lose himself in my body, get overwhelmed with pleasure and desire. By talking about it, I gave Ben permission to do that. There are no offensive words in bed. And what's said in bed, stays in bed. Question: That's a great rule. Ben: Yes, I really wanted to call Lisa's pu-sy her c-nt when we were doing it, but I thought it might offend her. It's a crude word, it's very offensive to some, but for me it's an appropriate word when you're really enjoying the saw, when it's raw and dirty. Question: And Lisa had no problem with that? Lisa: No, of course not, I loved it. To think that my husband wants to use the boldest, most daring words when we're having sex, that's great. Question: Did you want more than dirty talk in bed? Lisa: Oh yes. I wanted to use a dildo sometimes. It wasn't a comment on Ben's c-ck. A dildo makes it easier for me to come sometimes. I love Ben using it on me. Question: Was that a problem for you, Ben? Ben: At first I thought, "Is my c-ck too small or something?", but then Lisa explained it has to do with stimulating her clitoris. I can hit the exact spot with the dildo. I love feeling and watching Lisa climax when I'm doing that. Lisa: I'm the one that got us into playing advanced sex games, the sort of games that require planning and preparation if they're going to work probably. I love seduction games. It's all about prolonging the build-up to sex so it becomes more and more exciting and the actual f-cking is the grand finale. Question: Hmmm, you know this is useless without examples. Ben: Well .... Lisa and I run a lot of 10k races together. Usually I finish first, then I'll hang around at the finish line waiting for Lisa, cheering her in, then we'll go eat, drive home. Lisa said to me, "I want you to find us a safe place near the finish line where we can f-ck after the race. It has to be outdoors and it has to be less than 15 minutes jogging time from the finish line". Lisa: Yep, those were the requirements. Ben: Suddenly I felt like Matt Damon in 'The Bourne Identity'. Not only did I have to train for the race, I had to research a f-ck zone. I googled maps, I visited the area, I walked around, it was a whole clandestine operation. I found a few likely spots, but they turned out to be no good because of passers-by. You know, if a young couple are caught making out, they're either ignored or given a warning, but a couple of 50 year olds, they're gonna get arrested for indecent behavior. Lisa: I told Ben I trusted his judgment. Whatever place he found, I'd follow him there and we'd do it. It had to be safe, but I wouldn't question him on the day and pull out. I was committed to doing it but I wanted no part of the planning. Question: How did it pan out? Ben: I changed the rules just a little, just a fraction. I rented this cool van, put a very comfortable mattress in the back, cushions, I hung some material on the walls of the van, I found parking fairly close to the finish line, and I made sure the van was parked there early. I didn't tell Lisa about any of this. Lisa: We both had a great race. I ran a personal record, won my age group. Ben was there cheering, then when I'd caught my breath and drunk some water, we jogged to this parking lot and I was thinking, "No way, no way, there are no secluded spots anywhere in sight". Then Ben's opening the back of this contractor's van, pushing me inside, and suddenly I'm in brothel-like surroundings, red drapes, mattress, cushions, it's hilarious. We climb in the van, both of us sweaty, and we have the most amazing sex right there in Chicago by the lake. Ben: It was totally awesome. We knew we'd discovered something fantastic. It was like being 20 again, only better. It was a deep, deep connection. Lisa: Yeah, and we could hear people outside the van, people pushing up against it, talking about the race and there we were inside having fantastic sex. Ben did a great job that day. I didn't mind he broke the rules; it was supposed to be outdoors but the van was a great solution. Question: Yes, it does sound like a spy movie or a thriller. Do you do that kind of thing a lot? Ben: I'll have something advanced planned once a month. You can't do it too often, once a month, once every two months is just right. Things like this must never become a chore. It has to be fun. If it becomes a drag, you should drop it. Lisa: The whole idea is to keep desire and passion alive by using your imagination, eliminating the routine, making ourselves special to each other. If Ben wants me to wax my p-ssy, of course I will do that for him. If he wants me to wear black stockings, I will do that, I love it. Physical attraction and sex are big reasons why you get into a relationship in the first place. There is no reason why those things should disappear. Question: I can see you are both in great shape. Do you train together? Ben: Absolutely. We both run at least 50 miles a week. Lisa has an amazing body, so strong and yet so slim. I love looking at her. It's important to us to be physically fit. It keeps our minds alive, keeps us wanting to do these crazy things. Lisa: And they're not really that crazy. Sex is about pure enjoyment. You have the best enjoyment with a healthy body and a creative mind. Question: Amen to that! by Marcia Thompson, an avid long distance runner who helps couples with issues of fitness, physical, emotional, and sexual mismatch. |
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